One-on-one support
With Scott Holdem, The Healing Barn, Cambridge.
When something keeps getting under your skin, you find yourself reacting in ways you don't understand, or you know the same pattern keeps showing up, and you want to understand what's really going on.
Maybe this sounds familiar
You’re at home, not expecting anyone. Then a vehicle pulls into the driveway.
Before there’s even time to know who it is, something in the body reacts — the chest tightens, the jaw sets, the hairs on the back of the neck stand up.
Or maybe it happens in the middle of a conversation. A message comes through, or someone says something in a certain tone, and before the mind has worked out what just happened, something inside has already shifted.
Something small happens on the outside, but inside it lands hard.
Maybe fear comes in. Maybe anger. Maybe irritation. Maybe that sudden need to know what’s going on, what they want, or whether everything is okay.
The mind might be asking, “What was that?” while the body is already bracing, defending, or holding tension.
Later, once everything settles, it can feel confusing.
Why did something so small feel so big?
That reaction is where we start. Rather than trying to get rid of it, we slow it down and get curious about what is happening in the body, what the reaction is trying to protect, and whether the situation in front of you is really the whole story.
When you can begin to see the pattern rather than simply reacting from inside it, you have more choice in what happens next.
What might really be going on underneath
Something happens.
Maybe your partner says something. Your boss questions you. Someone doesn't reply. Plans change. You're asked to do something you don't want to do.
On the surface, you're responding to that moment.
But underneath, your body may already be moving into protection — fighting, wanting to get away, shutting down, keeping the peace, or trying to regain control.
The question isn't simply, “How do I stop reacting like this?”
It's:
“What is this reaction trying to protect me from?”
Why I Work This Way
Scott, Healing Barn, Cambridge.
For a long time, I didn’t realise how much of my life was being shaped by patterns I couldn’t see.
On the surface, I was getting on with life — working as an electrician, running a business, going dairy farming, doing what needed to be done, and trying to build something solid.
But underneath, some of the same patterns kept following me.
One of mine was pushing people away to see if they would still want me. At the time, it didn’t look like that. It looked like independence, frustration, arguments, wanting to do things my own way, or believing the other person was the problem.
Looking back, I can see it had been there for a long time. Even wanting to go to boarding school held something deeper for me. Part of me wanted to leave, while another part wanted someone to say, “No, we want you here.”
The same feeling later showed up in work, business, relationships and dairy farming.
Different people. Different situations. Same pattern underneath.
For years, I thought the problem was the customer, the farm owner, the job, or whatever was happening in front of me. Eventually I had to notice that wherever I went, the same kinds of reactions kept coming with me.
That was when I started looking less at who was to blame and more at what was actually happening inside me.
It changed the way I understood myself, but it also changed the way I related to other people. I became more able to notice when something in me had been triggered, slow it down, and understand what I was protecting before simply reacting from it.
That is why I work the way I do now.
I know what it is like to push someone away while wanting to feel chosen. I know what it is like to create distance and then feel hurt when that distance appears. And I know that those patterns do not change because we judge ourselves for having them.
They begin to change when we can see them clearly enough to understand what they have been trying to protect
Looking for something deeper than a one-off session?
A one-on-one session can be a good place to start when something is feeling heavy, stuck, or hard to make sense of right now.
Sometimes, though, you begin to notice that what is happening is not just about one situation. The same reactions, feelings, or patterns may be showing up in your relationships, work, decisions, confidence, or the way you respond when life puts pressure on you.
That is where the six-month journey gives us more space.
Rather than only working with what is happening in the moment, we can begin to understand the deeper patterns underneath it — what your system has learned to protect, how those patterns are shaping the way you relate to yourself and other people, and what begins to change as you learn to respond differently.
If you are starting to recognise that the same pattern keeps following you into different parts of your life, the six-month journey may be the better place to begin.
Scott, The Healing Barn, Cambridge.
How I work
We start with what is happening in your life right now.
It might be an argument you cannot stop thinking about, a relationship that keeps bringing up the same reaction, a decision you are avoiding, anger that seems to come from nowhere, the urge to shut down or get away, or simply a feeling that something is not quite right.
Rather than immediately trying to fix the reaction, we slow it down and get curious about it. What happened? What did you notice in your body? What did you want to do — fight, get away, shut down, keep the peace, regain control? And what might that reaction have been trying to protect you from?
Often, this is where a pattern begins to become visible. What looked like a problem with one person or one situation may be connected to something that has shown up before. We can begin to explore what your system learned, what it has been trying to prevent, and what that way of protecting yourself may now be costing you.
From there, the work is not about forcing yourself to react differently. It is about understanding yourself well enough that you begin to have more choice. You can notice what is happening, listen to what the reaction is trying to tell you, and find a response that fits who you are now rather than automatically repeating the old pattern.
I draw on somatic work, parts work, hypnotherapy, NLP, Human Design, Gene Keys and trauma-informed coaching when they are useful. But I am not trying to fit you into a particular method.
The tools support the process. The real work is helping you understand what is happening inside you, what it is trying to show you, and what becomes possible when you no longer have to react from it automatically.
Who this is for
This work is for people who are getting on with life on the outside, but have started to notice that the same reactions and patterns keep following them.
Work gets done. Responsibilities are carried. Other people are looked after. But underneath, you might find yourself overthinking, shutting down, people-pleasing, avoiding difficult conversations, reacting more strongly than you want to, pulling away, or reaching for things that help you switch off.
Sometimes it shows up most clearly in relationships. Your partner says something and you react. Your boss questions you and something tightens inside. Someone doesn’t reply and your mind starts filling in the gaps. You know the situation in front of you probably isn’t the whole story, but you don’t quite know what else is going on.
The problem might look like stress, anger, anxiety, low mood, relationship tension, feeling lost, or simply being tired of responding in the same way.
But the deeper work is not about the label.
It is about beginning to recognise the pattern underneath it — what your system is responding to, what it has learned to protect you from, and what becomes possible when you can see the reaction rather than automatically living from inside it.
At The Healing Barn, you don’t need to have the perfect words or know exactly where to start.
You just need to be willing to get curious about what is happening underneath.
Start With the Support That Feels Right
You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin.
START WHERE YOU ARE
You do not need to decide everything today.
You may know something needs to change without knowing exactly what kind of support you need. Maybe you’re stuck in one situation and need a different perspective. Maybe the same reaction keeps showing up and you’re ready to do something about it. Or maybe you simply don’t know where to begin.
You don’t need to have it all worked out before you start.
Choose the option that fits what you need right now — whether that’s getting clear on what’s happening, beginning to shift something that keeps repeating, or having a conversation to work out the right place to start.
Start with the option that feels most useful today.
WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN ONE SITUATION
Get Clear on What’s Going On
60-Minute Session
If you’re going over something in your head and still unsure what to do, bring the situation here. We’ll step back from it, look at what may be repeating, and help you get clearer on what’s happening and what your next step could be.
WHEN THE SAME PATTERN KEEPS SHOWING UP
Shift What Keeps Repeating
3 × 90-Minute Sessions
Bring the reaction or pattern that feels hardest to shift. Across three 90-minute sessions, we’ll uncover what your body is responding to, understand the emotional and belief patterns connected to it, and begin working with what needs to change — so you can stop feeling caught inside the same reaction and have more choice in what happens next.
NOT SURE WHICH SUPPORT IS RIGHT?
Find the Right Place to Start
A Free Call
If you know something needs to change but you’re not sure which option is right for you, start with a free, no-pressure conversation. Tell me a little about what’s going on and we’ll work out whether a 60-minute session, deeper three-session work, or another kind of support makes the most sense.
What people have noticed after working together
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The Magic of Letting Go
I was dealing with ongoing pain and felt like nothing was really shifting — just managing it week to week.
Working with Scott helped me release things I didn’t even realise I was holding onto. Not just physically, but mentally as well.
With each session, I noticed more clarity, more ease, and a real shift in how I felt day to day.
It can feel a bit scary at first — learning to trust and let go — but that’s where the change really started for me.
This work has been incredibly impactful, and something I know I need to keep making time for.
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Grateful for Being Pain-Free
I booked in with Scott after being recommended to try ConTact C.A.R.E for an injury.
Within 2 sessions, my injury was resolved and I’m now pain free.
What stood out most was learning how connected the mind, emotions, and body really are — something I still use in daily life.
I’d highly recommend this to anyone dealing with pain. It works well alongside other treatments and gave me real results.
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Feeling Safe, Heard, and More Like Myself
Scott and Melissa are amazing. They take the time to really listen and understand you.
From the start, I felt safe and welcome. They helped me make sense of what I was feeling and gently let those feelings go.
Since then, I’ve felt happier, more secure, and even more productive at work and at home.
Thank you.
If you need urgent support
There is room in this work for the heavy stuff — trauma, dark thoughts, emotional pain, and the parts of you that feel hard to talk about.
But if you are in immediate danger, or feel like you may act on suicidal thoughts, please reach out for urgent support now.
In New Zealand, call 111, go to your nearest hospital emergency department, or contact your local mental health crisis team. You can also call or text 1737 any time for free support from a trained counsellor.
For suicide-specific support, call 0508 TAUTOKO / 0508 828 865.
This page and this work are here to support healing, but immediate safety comes first.
You do not have to keep carrying it alone
If something in you knows it is time to get support, you are welcome to start with a one-on-one session.
You do not need the perfect words.
You do not need to have it all figured out.
And you do not need to wait until things get worse.
This is a space to slow down, be heard, and begin working with what is actually happening underneath the surface — without pressure, judgment, or needing to explain everything perfectly.
We will start where you are, listen to what has been going on, and gently follow what your system is ready to show.
Not sure if this is the right place to start?
You've carried this long enough. The answers you're seeking are within—let's uncover them together.
Other Ways We Can Help At The Healing Barn
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![Old wooden barn in a field with tall grass and trees, hills in the background, during sunset.]()
Work with your life & direction
For people ready for a deeper 6-month journey into self-understanding, purpose, direction, and long-term change.
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![release your emotions and grow again]()
Work with your Body & Subconscious
Melissa's work offers gentle release to the trapped emotions and beliefs that keep you stuck, helping to clear the energetic blocks that impact your physical and emotional wellbeing. This profound method can often address the root cause of discomfort and limitation.
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![Hands releasing shoulder tension; pain relief, mobility.]()
ConTact C.A.R.E
Often, old injuries and impacts leave 'flinchlocks' in the body, creating persistent pain and tension. ConTact C.A.R.E offers a gentle, hands-on approach to release these trapped pressures, restoring mobility and bringing profound physical relief. Experience true freedom in your body.
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Work with Animals
Animals feel more than we often give them credit for.
Melissa offers remote Emotion Code, Body Code and Belief Code session for animals, supporting emotional release, behavioural challenges, anxiety, trauma recovery, and nervous system regulation in horses, dogs, cats, cow and other animals.
