Do I Need to Shield Myself From Other People’s Emotions?

A client recently asked me how I recommend shielding yourself when you work in a highly emotional environment.

It’s an understandable question. When you spend your day around people who are distressed, angry, anxious or carrying a lot emotionally, it can feel as though you absorb it all. You may leave work feeling drained, unsettled or still carrying the weight of what happened long after you’ve gone home.

There are many different ways people suggest protecting themselves from this. But my answer was probably a little different.

I don’t necessarily believe that the long-term answer is to build a stronger shield between ourselves and everybody else. I believe that when another person’s emotions or behaviour affect us deeply, it can be because something within us is resonating with what’s happening.

When their emotions touch something within you

We all carry emotional experiences and beliefs that have formed throughout our lives. Some may even be inherited through our family lines or connected with experiences we don’t consciously remember.

These emotions and beliefs can quietly shape how our body interprets what is happening around us. They become part of the lens through which we experience other people, relationships and situations.

When another person’s words, behaviour or emotions touch something we’re already holding, there is something within us for that experience to hit.

This doesn’t mean the situation isn’t genuinely difficult. It doesn’t mean another person’s behaviour is acceptable or that you’re imagining the intensity of the environment you’re in. But it may help explain why one particular person or situation affects you so much more deeply than another.

The real-life situation becomes a clue.

Perhaps someone else’s anger brings up the part of you that learned conflict wasn’t safe. Their distress may touch the part of you that feels responsible for making everyone okay. Their disappointment may connect with a belief that you’ve failed, while their withdrawal might stir a fear of being rejected or abandoned.

The situation happening now may be activating much more than what is visible in that moment.

What if the person triggering you is showing you something?

When somebody triggers us, it’s natural to focus on them.

We might become defensive, resent them for making us feel this way or wish they would behave differently. Our thoughts can become centred around how to stop them from affecting us or how to protect ourselves from what they’re bringing into the room.

But what if we began to see that person differently?

What if, alongside the anger or discomfort, we could begin to think, “Thank you for showing me that”?

Not because we enjoyed the experience. Not because their behaviour was necessarily okay. And not because we suddenly feel wonderfully grateful while we’re still angry, hurt or overwhelmed.

We can be pissed off and grateful at the same time.

We can dislike what happened while also recognising that it brought something to the surface that we may not have seen otherwise. We can hold the pain of an experience and the opportunity within it at the same time.

That is part of life. It’s rarely only the challenge or only the win, only pain or only pleasure. Often, we’re being asked to hold both.

I believe the people who come into our lives can show us where we need to focus next. They may reflect a wound, belief or emotional pattern that has been sitting within us, waiting to be seen.

Even when we don’t feel grateful yet, we can begin to change the story we’re placing around the experience.

Instead of only asking:

“How do I stop this person from affecting me?”

We might begin asking:

“What have they just shown me about myself?”

“What is their behaviour touching within me?”

“What might my body believe is happening here?”

That change in questioning can become a pattern interrupter. It shifts us from seeing ourselves only as the person something is happening to and brings our attention back to the part we can work with.

Creating less for the situation to hit

For me, the deeper form of protection is doing our own inner work.

It’s discovering the trapped emotions, beliefs and past experiences that are being activated in these situations. It’s listening to the body’s response and becoming curious about why it has learned to react in this particular way.

As we work with and release some of what has been stored within us, there can be less emotional charge sitting beneath the surface for the next person or situation to hit.

That doesn’t mean we become uncaring or unaffected by what other people are going through. It may mean we can remain present without being completely taken over by it. We can care about somebody without automatically carrying their emotional experience as our own.

The outside situation may not have changed, but it no longer has quite the same intensity within us. There can be more breathing room and more space to recognise what belongs to us and what belongs to the other person.

Supporting yourself while you do the deeper work

Of course, this doesn’t all change in an instant. There may still be times when we need something to help us feel supported while we’re working with what lies underneath.

Rather than imagining a hard shield around myself, I prefer to picture a large, comforting cloak of love wrapping around me.

It doesn’t feel like armour or a wall designed to keep everybody out. It feels warm, safe and grounding—a reminder that I can remain connected to myself while I’m in the presence of someone else’s emotions.

You might also pause and notice your feet on the ground, take a few slower breaths or quietly ask yourself, “Is this mine, theirs, or has something in their experience stirred something familiar within me?”

Practical boundaries matter too. Working on ourselves doesn’t mean remaining in situations that are harmful or continually giving more than we have available. Rest, time outside, a quiet transition at the end of the working day and saying no when something is too much can all help our body recognise where our responsibility ends.

Perhaps protection looks different than we thought

Maybe real protection isn’t about making sure nothing ever reaches us.

Perhaps it’s knowing ourselves well enough to recognise when something has touched a tender place within us. It’s being willing to listen to what the reaction is showing us, work with what belongs to us and allow other people to carry what belongs to them.

The next time someone triggers you, you may not immediately feel grateful. You might still be angry, defensive, hurt or completely fed up—and that can be true too.

But somewhere alongside that, perhaps you can begin to hold another thought:

“I don’t like how this feels, but thank you for showing me where I need to look next.”

Sometimes the person making us the most uncomfortable is also shining a light on the next part of ourselves asking for our attention.

If this has brought a situation to mind

There may be one person or situation in your life that repeatedly leaves you feeling defensive, anxious, guilty, overwhelmed or responsible for making everything okay.

My three-session Emotion & Belief package gives us the space to begin with that real-life situation and explore the emotional experiences and beliefs beneath your response. As we work with what your body is holding, the situation may begin to carry less intensity—giving you more breathing room and more space to respond as yourself.

One real-life situation. Three personalised Emotion & Belief Sessions. Less reactivity. More choice.

[Learn more about the three-session Emotion & Belief package.]