When the Path to Purpose Isn’t a Straight Line
When the Path to Purpose Isn’t a Straight Line
Sometimes we walk away from the very things we say we want because they do not arrive in the form we expected.
At a recent Speak Up Cambridge group, the question that kept quietly returning through the night was: What do you actually stand for?
Not just what do you say you want, but what are you standing for when life gives you something unexpected? What do you do when the opportunity, the answer, the relationship, the job, or the next step does not look the way you imagined it would?
One man came along expecting a men’s Bible-study group. He quickly realised that was not what we were there for, and he chose not to stay. That was completely okay. There is no judgement in that; he was looking for something specific, and this was not what he expected.
But it made me reflect on how often that happens in life.
We can find ourselves in a conversation, a room, an opportunity, or a relationship that does not match the picture we had in our heads. The mind can quickly step in and say, “This is not for me,” or “This feels unfamiliar, so it must not be safe.” Sometimes that instinct is wise. Sometimes it is discernment.
But sometimes it is fear wearing the clothes of certainty.
Sometimes we walk away before we have given ourselves enough time to notice whether there is something here for us. Not because the thing in front of us is wrong, but because it asks us to stay present in a place where we do not yet feel in control.
That same pattern showed up in a conversation about money, work, and family.
One of the tensions many people carry is wanting to provide well for the people they love while also wanting enough time and space to actually be with them. It can feel like a tug-of-war. Work harder and earn more, but lose time with the family you are working so hard for. Protect your time, but then worry that you are not doing enough.
The practical question that came up was this: when you drive past a flash house, or see someone who is obviously doing well financially, what do you automatically think about them?
Do you think they must be selfish, dishonest, arrogant, lucky, or somehow different from you? There is nothing wrong with noticing your first reaction. In fact, that reaction can be useful information.
Because if part of you believes that wealthy people are bad people, then having more money can begin to feel unsafe. Even if you consciously want more financial freedom, another part of you may quietly believe that becoming wealthy means becoming someone you do not respect.
That can create a strange pattern. You earn a little more, then find a way to spend it. You get some breathing room, then something happens and it disappears again. Not necessarily because you are careless, but because holding onto more can challenge an old story about who you are allowed to be.
The point is not that money is the answer to everything. It is to notice the beliefs underneath what we say we want.
Purpose can work in a similar way.
A lot of people feel like they are trying to find their purpose. They keep looking for the right job, the next idea, the perfect plan, or the thing that will finally make life feel meaningful. But sometimes, the more we try to force an answer, the further away it seems to get.
For some of the men in the group, it became clear that the hard part was not simply finding purpose. The hard part was sitting still long enough to let anything deeper come through.
When you can sit quietly, the thoughts you have been outrunning begin to get louder. Old negative programs, self-doubt, fear, and the stories the mind repeats when there is no distraction around. So it made sense that he kept reaching outward, looking for another answer, another plan, or something to grab hold of.
But sometimes the thing we are trying to avoid is also the first place life is asking us to look.
That does not mean we need to sit alone with everything or somehow solve our own pain through willpower. Sometimes we need support, conversation, rest, therapy, coaching, or someone beside us while we begin to make sense of what is there.
But it can be worth asking: am I avoiding stillness because I have nothing there to find, or because something in me is waiting to be heard?
Sometimes we walk away from the very things we say we want because they do not arrive in the form we expected.
That led into a metaphor I have always liked about sailing.
Imagine you are out on the ocean, heading towards an island you cannot yet see. That island is the life you are trying to move towards: more purpose, more peace, more time with the people you love, more financial freedom, or simply a life that feels more honest and more like your own.
The trouble is, the wind is coming directly from that direction.
You cannot sail straight into it.
To get there, you have to tack back and forth. At times, it can look as though you are moving sideways. Sometimes you may even appear to be travelling away from where you want to go. But each turn is still part of the journey. Each tack is helping you make progress towards the island.
Life can be like that too.
The job that does not work out, the uncomfortable conversation, the belief you uncover about money, the fear that appears when you finally sit still, or the opportunity that arrives in a form you did not expect may not mean you are off course.
It may be part of the tack.
It may be showing you what you stand for, what you have been trying to avoid, or what needs to shift before you can move more honestly towards what matters.
We often demand a straight line because a straight line feels safer. We want the clear answer, the guaranteed plan, and the certainty that we are making the right choice. But purpose is rarely found by forcing every step to make sense before we take it.
Sometimes it is found by staying curious in the unfamiliar room. By noticing the story you carry about money. By making space to hear the thoughts you have been avoiding. By taking one small, honest step, even when you cannot yet see the island.
A question to sit with this week is:
Where am I demanding a straight line in my life, when I may need to stay curious and trust the next tack instead?
You may not be as off course as you think.
A note about these reflections: These posts are inspired by the themes and patterns that arise in the group, but do not identify or repeat anyone’s personal story. Speak Up Cambridge is a space for honest conversation, not public exposure.
P.S. If this has brought something up for you, you do not have to work it all out on your own.
Sometimes it helps to have a space to slow down, make sense of the patterns that keep repeating, and find a more honest next step.
I offer one-on-one sessions for people who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, caught between competing priorities, or unsure about what is next.
